I’ve been sitting on this article for a while now, but I’ve known for some time that I’d write it and put it out there. The sharing of raw personal emotion to the world is most definitely not my thing, and no one likes to admit their faults and mistakes in life. I’ve really debated on what to put in and what to leave out. However, I have come to the conclusion that if I’m going to do this thing, I need to just lay it all out. So with that being said, I have decided not to hold back in the slightest.

I got our Golden Retriever Abbey from a friend of mine back in 2008 when I was in my late 20’s and my daughter was around 5 years old. They had bred their female Golden Retriever to a hunting line Golden Retriever and the owners of the stud were looking for a new pup to train up for hunting. I had already been considering getting one of the pups and I already had my eye on Abbey, but we had to wait for the owner of the stud dog since they had first pick. They showed up with some feathers tied to a string, agitated the pups with the feathers while the pups were in a kennel, and then drug the feathers out of site, hung them up out of reach, and released the puppies. Abbey trailed and hit on the feathers 3 times straight out. I just knew at that point I had lost the dog I wanted. Low and behold they didn’t want a female, so we took all the female pups out and they took the male they wanted. They talked Abbey up the whole time though. They went on about how good she looked and how smart she was. There was still one other dog in the litter that I had my eye on though, so I hadn’t quite decided which one I would end up taking. A few days later all the kids were out back in the pool, a 3 foot above ground pool, and all the puppies where loose in the back yard. Most where under the steps of the pool crying, wanting in, and a few where exploring the yard. Not Abbey though, she was continuously climbing the latter and jumping in to be with the kids. That sold me, I had to have that dog, and oh boy did we get “THAT DOG”.

I should say, I’ve always had a thing for more high drive, pushy, or hyper dogs. I don’t know why, but I have just never been interested in a dog that acts like a carpet in the living room. That’s just my personal preference, and I got every bit of that with Abbey. At that point, she was by far the highest drive, smartest dog I had ever owned. As a puppy she destroyed everything. She ate a TV remote, carpet in the bedroom, furniture, and even a cell phone. She was also my little Houdini. There was not a gate she couldn’t figure out how to open. If you put a pad lock on it and didn’t lock it, she’d take that off too. If the gate was locked, she’d go after the fence. She has gone through a fence, over a fence, and under a fence. She has escaped, one way or another, fences of every shape, make, and height. She was just one of those dogs that if left alone would determine it was time to start solving the puzzle of how to escape, and she was great at puzzles. She was all drive. She would drag me on the leash, never seemed to have an off switch, and would play ball for hours on end. I was at my wits end with her and didn’t know what to do. I was starting to wonder if I had made a mistake getting her in the first place. Then, a friend of mine sent his bird dog off to a trainer for $600 for 2 months (that seemed like a whole lot of money for dog training to me back then) and when it came back, it was a “hunting dog”. Now, you have to understand when this dog came back, in mine and my friend’s eyes, it was a brand-new dog. Full disclosure, knowing what I know now, that person most likely took this dog and just smashed it for a few months with an e-collar, probably starved it just a bit to bring up the prey drive, then made it bird crazy. This was not the picture of a happy dog, and I know that now. However, this had been a bouncing off the walls super hyper dog that was out of control and now seemed to have control, when really it was just living in fear of “walk-the-line or get smashed”.

Abbey and Taryn playing in the water at Caprock Canyon State Park 2012

So, I decided that if that “dog trainer” could do that with my friend’s dog in only two months, surely I could too! So, I jumped online and started pouring through every good’ol boy red neck hunting forum and dog training article I could find. I had a drive to learn everything I possibly could about hunting-dog training and obedience training. I found some stuff on e-collar use, and so I borrowed my buddies’ collar and remote and was off to the races. Little did I know, the race would be taking one of the most loving, loyal, and best dogs I’ve ever owned and completely traumatizing her. I did so bad by poor Abbey…I mean I utterly crushed her soul. I lit her up with the e-collar and applied tons of pressure without direction in either obedience or hunting. All the while I was really just leaning on her natural prey drive, and I completely broke that dog. This poor pup folded, and I mean folded hard. Not knowing what I was doing, I had actually trained my dog that the sound of a gun shot, or loud noises in general, (part of her “hunting training”) i.e. pressure of any kind, are only relieved by escape-and-avoidance. I instilled in her a fear of retribution that completely changed her demeanor. At the mere sight of a gun she’d crumble; so full of anxiety and fear she‘d simply fall apart. Shortly thereafter her anxiety attacks started manifesting during thunderstorms, fireworks, any loud noise such as dropping something heavy, and even when I simply raised my voice. I absolutely hated myself for what I had done and decided right then and there that my “dog training” days were over. Not only that, I loathed e-collars. I mean I was so against e-collars that I would have gladly signed a petition or voted on a law to completely outlaw and ban the devices in a heartbeat. (I’m happy to say I’ve had some real education since then and no longer feel that way).

Abbey and Taryn Hiking at Caprock Canyon State Park 2012

Abbey just became our house pet from that point on. Yes, she was also my hiking/running buddy, but around the house, she was a lot more my daughter’s dog. Abby definitely gravitated to my daughter Taryn, and even slept in her room. However, Taryn never really did anything with her except snuggle because she was a kid and Abby was a huge teddy bear. All the play, exercise, bathroom breaks, meals, baths, etc. that was all me. Except for the occasional thunderstorm or twice a year “firework-induced-anxiety-attacks” she became a pretty stable dog. For the most part, she lived a good comfortable life just hanging out around the house. Her anxiety around loud noises was so bad though that on two separate occasions (around the 4th of July) she disappeared. The first time I left her in the backyard and came home to find her gone, and it dawned on me that the kids in the neighborhood must have been popping fireworks. The local human society had picked her up hanging out at a local hotel. Abbey LOVED people and never knew a stranger. The second time she was gone for over a week, and I was about at the point of giving up when we found her 45 miles away in a different town. We have no idea how she got there, and she definitely had some miles on her pads. But, I believe someone picked her up, and she escaped from them. She was found by a local rescue wandering around downtown, and they found our lost-dog post on social media. The phone call was hilarious. “Hello sir, I think we have your dog”… 45 miles away… LOL. I was certain it was not her, but I gave them some marks to look for that were unique to her and low-and-behold it all matched.

Abbey and I had a few adventures together on camping and hiking trips as well. Around 4 1/2 years ago, at the writing of this, we went on one such trip. Abby was around 8 years old at the time, and we arrived at camp right as a thunderstorm passed through. So, we rode the storm out in the car, and afterwards we setup camp, relaxed for a while, and then decided we’d do a short hike before the sun went down. We ended up around 100 yards from the trail head when Abbey quit on me. I had never seen her act this way. She knew what we were doing, but you could see it written all over her. She was not going to be a part of this and was going back to camp. I thought perhaps it had something to do with the thunderstorms and her anxiety, so we just went back to camp. That night I heard a lady yelling for help and ended up being a part of a search-and-rescue party to bring her down off the mountain. Long story short, she was just an unprepared first-time hiker that took off up a trail not knowing where she was going. She got caught in the thunderstorm and then lost the trail after dark without a light of any kind. I tried to get Abbey to come with us on the rescue, but she wasn’t having it. So, I left her laying on her bed in camp, and I was a bit worried that when I got back, she’d be gone. Luckily that wasn’t the case. Poor pup was in so much pain from arthritis I didn’t know she had at the time that she hadn’t moved off that bed when I got back several hours later.

Abbey and I at our camp site in the Davis Mountains 2016

I tried taking her running with me a few times after that, and it was strange that sometimes she’d go and be just fine and other times she was not having it. My poor sweet girl was really trying for me, but her arthritis, and perhaps even cancer, was just too much for her to handle some days. It was at this point in my life I started to really get back in good physical health and was starting to do more outdoor activities again like backpacking and hiking. I had always had a dog with me on those trips and really wanted one again. So I decided to take my time and start looking for a new dog for me to do those things with. That would leave Abbey to relax around the house and enjoy the rest of her days getting cuddles from her favorite person, Taryn.

I won’t go into the details of my next dog Sam and my deep dive into the dog training world that he led me down, but when I got Sam I knew I‘d better get serious about dog training or I’d be in real trouble. It was due to Abbey (and my faults with her) that led me to seek out the correct methods of dog training, and also quickly recognize some bad. This article is about Abbey though, so we’ll stay on point with her. See, she was my first dog to have from a pup until we had to let her go a couple of weeks ago, and that’s really the spirit of this article. I had never before had the experience of having a dog for the full spectrum of it’s life. However, I did know when I got her that it was what I wanted. For better or for worse, this was a life-long commitment. Not only for myself, but for Taryn as well. I didn’t want Taryn growing up the way I did, experiencing dogs in the way I had always experienced them: as some short-term visitor that can be replaced or re-homed for any reason at all. That’s not what dog ownership is about and I feel far too many people take advantage of that.

Abbey and Taryn cuddling, Sam causing trouble 2017

The last few years, and especially the last several months with Abbey was a whole new experience for me. Watching her health deteriorate, trying to decide if it’s time, and thinking maybe I’m rushing things was one of the hardest experiences in my life. I wanted to give her all the time she could possibly have on this earth, but I hated to see her suffer. It got the point that she didn’t want to go outside in the back yard due to the stairs being too steep. There was more than once I watched her back legs completely give out on her as she climbed the steps, and too often I was having to pick her up and carry her up and down the stairs. Those last few months with her made me really think hard about the life I had given her. I reflected on the good things I did, the fun times we had, and the damage I caused attempting to train her. It was within the last few years of her life that I learned to help her with her anxiety issues through proper training techniques, however because of her age and physical health, I decided that wasn’t the best course for her. I knew what to do, but it would mean placing her in uncomfortable environments for desensitization. At her age, I felt it was just best to make her as comfortable as possible at that point. The heartache I experienced knowing that it was too late for her is a burden I will always carry. In the end, my final gift to her was a promise. I promised that I’d do everything in my power to become the best trainer I possibly could be. I promised to help other dogs with issues, and to never do to another dog what I did to her. That’s a major part of the reason behind the name Arkhein K9, (meaning to rule) and my personal mission to always keep striving to be a better dog trainer; the best dog trainer I can possibly be.

I absolutely refuse to take a hyper dog and crush them. I will help them learn to cap drive, have manners, and be patient. I have turned clients away that have had hyper dogs and wanted me to “take that out of them”. Hyper dogs are hyper, it’s just who they are. They aren’t broken, and they aren’t wrong. They simply need an outlet. They can learn to cap drive and be a more well mannered pet through reinforced behaviors, but they still need that outlet. It’s not an easy thing to do properly, and it takes time and investment in your pet. But regardless of the burden, I mean to keep that promise to Abbey.

On July 2, 2020 we took Abbey to the Vet. She hadn’t been doing good for days. Not eating, and not moving well if at all. We were to the point I had to force her to go outside. I really expected the Vet to say something along the lines of, “It’s getting time, we need to start discussing options”. Instead the news we got was far worse than that. Her heart rate was irregular, some of her joints were so stiff they couldn’t bend any longer, I knew she had dropped some weight due to not eating but the Vet said she had gained weight. She told us Abbey had a bunch of masses growing in her abdominal area, and I started really beating myself up. I was so worried about not rushing things and just letting her be that perhaps I had let her suffer longer than I should have. This situation was horrible and there’s really no way around the damned-if-you-do damned-if-you-don’t aspect of considering another life, especially a life you have loved so dearly. We could have run a million tests, given her all kinds of drugs and medications, but in the end, it wouldn’t have made her more comfortable or any better. So, Taryn and I decided that it was time. There were thunderstorms rolling in at that very moment, and people were already starting to pop fireworks at night in the neighborhood. We decided that if we let her go now, we could spare her the agony of another restless anxiety ridden Fourth of July. So, we loaded Abbey back up in the car, took her for a burger and to say good bye to some people in town. She couldn’t even eat the burger. She’d grab it as if she was starving and wanted to swallow it whole, but then she’d just chew it up a bit and spit it back out.

Thank God when we returned to the Vet, they let both Taryn and I in with her. They weren’t allowing anyone in at the time due to COVID-19, but they made an exception for us. Once the Vet gave Abbey the sedative, I really thought that shot in itself might do her in. I’ve not seen her that still and relaxed in a long long time. I think with her heart issues she had been having trouble pumping blood to her lungs, so she panted a lot, even when laying still. Seeing her that relaxed was strangely comforting. She deserved that rest. Everything went smooth with the next shot and it didn’t take any time at all for Abbey to peacefully slip away in the arms of her favorite person, Taryn, getting the cuddles Abbey so loved as she passed to the next life. It was rough on Taryn; I know it was. I truly believe though that if Abbey could have picked a way to leave this world she wouldn’t have chosen any other way than right there in the comfort and contentment of Taryn’s arms.

Now, I’m not one to cry, never have been, but I teared up twice that day. Once when we told the Vet of our decision and I watched Taryn break down, and again in that room watching one of the VERY best dogs in the world slip away in her little girls’ arms. Even just thinking about it now the emotions well up. We ended up taking Abbey’s body and burying her out in the country on a hillside under a mesquite tree. For West Texas, she’s got one heck of a view for her final resting place. We said our good bye’s and got a few more pets in before finally laying her at peace.

I’ve heard it all my life, “Dude, it’s just a dog.” We buy them, sell them, rescue them, rehome theme, love them as our own, and work diligently to try and find them the forever homes they deserve. They are dogs, and I do keep that in mind. Believe me, I’ve seen the effects of humanizing a dog too much and the behavioral issues that stem from that. We love them though and they love us. You see, they aren’t “just” dogs. They are dogs. Beautiful, wonderful, dogs. In my opinion, one of the best creatures to ever walk the face of the Earth. Far too often I believe that we don’t celebrate them enough for what they are. As humans it’s sometimes hard to walk that line, balancing the tight rope between loving them with all your heart while still trying not to make them into something they’re not. As a trainer I’ve seen both sides of the spectrum. I’ve encountered people who treat them inhumane, and I’m talking about all out abuse. Just people who don’t fully appreciate the emotional capacity that an animal like a dog has. On the flip side, I’ve helped people who unknowingly mistreat their dog by anthropomorphizing their pet to a state it simply can’t handle. See, I know for a fact that the way Abbey lived the majority of her life was not who she was. She was not an always low energy, anxiety filled, bag of nerves. I did that to her and I have to take full responsibility for that.

We should celebrate our dogs, love them, respect them for what they are, and above all mourn them when they pass. I don’t know why there is sometimes a stigma out there about mourning over losing a dog. You should never let anyone make you feel bad or guilty for mourning a pet. Mourning is a personal release and as such should happen on an individuals time line and in a manner they need in order to let go. Don’t judge someone or push someone to rush a mourning period because it’s “just a dog,” or any other pet for that matter. I believe the people that view a dog as “just a dog” have never taken the time to create that deep relationship - that true bond that can be had between man and dog, and I feel sorry for them.

I encourage everyone to learn how to properly communicate with your dog on the dog’s level. A dog can never rise to your level and understand you the way we understand one another. It’s up to you to learn how to be on the dog’s level of understanding. Do yourself a favor and find a good trainer that above all else teaches you how to understand your dog and communicate with your dog on their level. If you take the time to do that, I promise you that you will never make the mistakes I have, and your relationship with your dog will be like none you have ever had with any other dog.

If any of this story resonates, and you are considering professional help, I would love to talk with you about your personal goals for you and your dog. Regardless, I beg you, in the spirit of Abbey, to find yourself a good dog trainer.

Abbey and Taryn at the lake. Top is Taryn’s first camping trip in 2009. The bottom is a recreation of that picture we did in 2020 just a week before we had to let Abbey go.

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